Not a pretty post. Not today.
I was thinking, I do a lot of that lately. Unplugged from Internet, except on my phone, no TV in my bedroom ... The very things I thought I couldn't live without and yet I'm still living. I'm breathing. And crying. And hurting. I'm going through a divorce. But why do they say going through? It's like falling in a hole, not passing through anything. And after leaving my lawyers office I thought about how I was feeling... Pain and it's just the beginning. They are like doctors - lawyers are. They both perform services, they both remove something when needed. But a lawyer separates this life, a whole other person who you've grown attached too- regardless of how you were treated, attached none the less. But the removal is so long and drawn out. The pain seems unbearable but yet you are awake, living, trying to function. At least with a doctor it's over faster and they do give you anesthetics. But a lawyer will finally remove the bad part but doesn't throw it away... He leaves it whole and you have to see it sometimes. Its inly then that you realize you can actually hurt worse. Because that which was attached and you loved you cant have back. Can only see from afar. And then the lawyer leaves this gaping hole in what used to be your life. And he doesn't sew it up- you're left to deal with the wound, the pain. You stitch it up as best you can but its still not enough. You can't repair it. So you do the best you can and hope it heals quickly. But it don't. You hurt and ache. Even though you know what was removed was for the best in the long run he was still part of your life for seven years. Good and bad he was at least there.
I'm homesick. So bad. I had to go in there tonight for the first time in 7 days. He wasn't home yet. I've not seen him in nearly 21 days. I had to leave as things just wasn't getting any better. But there still not. I've cried all evening and all night.
I've lived through this before. I tried to prepare myself for the days and nights like this but how do you prepare for this? I mean really? Why can't men just love? Love us like their supposed to? Not perfection but fairly?
I said it wouldn't be a pretty post.
Those will come. In the future. Spring will be here. A new start. A new place to live. New ground ripe and ready for flowers to be planted. They will grow. I will grow. Leaves will come on and so will I. But for today. It's hurts. Hard to remember the bad stuff but I have to try. I'm crying because I'm missing what I never really had in the first place. If that makes sense?
I'm at mommas. Listening to the cat play with something, the hum of the fan, which feels so nice. We've had the flu and my lil guy still has it. He's usually a talker but hasn't said much in three days. I miss him. I want him to hurry and get better so I can tell him he talks to much! Lol! It's part of who he is and he's to sick to be himself. Poor guy.
So I pull myself together one more time. Say my prayers and hope for a better tomorrow.
Nite and God Bless!
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I wanted to take some pictures at Christmas of us so here we are in our little make shift photo booth. My oldest son was gone to his girlfriends house and the dogs are not fond of posing for pictures. So this is me with my middle and youngest son. The hubs was snoozing so he missed out. Poor Hunter, I cut his head off just a bit. I used the self timer and my "real" camera this time...I usually take all pictures with my iPhone. .
Friday, January 25, 2013
Ok so if you are here you are seeing this blogger background. It SHOULD NOT BE HERE!!!!!!!! I DID NOT MAKE THIS CHANGE!!!!!!!!!! For some reason it just keeps going from my pretty back ground from Shabby Blogs to THIS!! IF anyone knows why please leave a comment and tell me how to fix this. Thanks so much!
Monday, January 21, 2013
So I saw a picture on a blog and it was of a display in a store somewhere. I didn't think to write the blog addy down to go back to it, so I'm not able to credit the right place... but the front of the display was covered in this chevron pattern. But I looked closer because it was made of book paper. I looked even closer then because I'm a sucker for anything made with old book paper. It was made of folded papers! I thought to myself, "self, you can do that"! So off to the races I was! Trying this length first- 4 inches. I tried a couple things first that didn't work out and was about to get disgusted and just give up. But I wanted this, wanted it to turn out like I was hoping. So I kept going and got the hang of it. I am not happy with the sizes of the images though. You will have to click on each one to read it as I tried a larger size and it was waaaay too big to fit between the margins of my page. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think. I'm trying to decide what to do with it ( as it is time consuming and making another one right now is definitely not an option!) so I want to take extra care NOT to mess it up. Scrapbook page or going on a canvas.?? Not sure, I may just look at it for awhile! This is the finished project:
Saturday, January 19, 2013
I used this sketch